


I Could Really Use the Win

by ByTheAngell (SomeLittleInfamy)



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Internal Conflict, Light Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-06
Updated: 2019-03-06
Packaged: 2019-11-12 15:24:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,479
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18013415
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SomeLittleInfamy/pseuds/ByTheAngell
Summary: Magnus hates feeling weak. He never wants to feel that way again, and that’s why they’re here.Except he can’t even beat a twenty-something shadowhunter who isn’t even using runes. It’s just Alec, and he’s only trying to help, but every blow he lands with the weapon stings deeper than the marks bruising on his skin.





	I Could Really Use the Win

**Author's Note:**

> 3x12 Training Scene POVs, so obvious spoilers ahead if you haven't seen the ep yet!

Magnus knows this is serious. He can’t forget because Alec is taking every opportunity to remind him, verbally and physically. Each hit with the staff the shadowhunter lands is meant to remind him why they’re here and what he needs to work on. Every ‘look alive’ and ‘we’re supposed to be working’ an attempt to bring him back into the moment when he grows aloof, his movements more dancing than battle, eyes flashing a teasing challenge. 

He never felt weaker than the moment Iris pulled him through that portal, remembering the panic in Alec’s eyes as she took him. He never felt more helpless than when she invaded  _ his home _ and posed a serious threat to Madzie while he was helpless to do anything other than stand there with his hand out, useless. He never wants to feel that way again, and that’s why they’re here. 

Except he can’t even beat a twenty-something shadowhunter who isn’t even using runes. It’s just Alec, and he’s only trying to help, but every blow he lands with the weapon stings deeper than the marks bruising on his skin. 

**_“Those would’ve been your last words.”_ **

Magnus knows he should be more focused; instead, something changes the moment Alec hits that staff away from him. He should be learning from his mistakes but the sense of inferiority as Alec tries to drive home why they’re doing this is all he fixates on instead. 

This is pointless. He has formal training, both in weapons and hand-to-hand combat. He isn’t going to get much better than he already is after centuries of study, certainly not in the next ten or twenty years. Those will be nothing, a drop in a bucket, and if he’s being honest he’s reached his peak. This version of him right here and now is Magnus in his prime, and he’ll only go downhill from here. 

He tries to make light of things, to distract, but Alec isn’t playing so he shifts to the defensive instead. 

It’s hand-to-hand with the staff gone but that’s better for him. He gets the upper hand easily, pulling techniques he picked up over the years to throw the soldier off his usually calculated anticipations and pull his feet out from under him.  _ Literally _ .  Magnus gloats. He jokes. He deflects. He feels superior in being able to hold Alec down, captive until he chooses to release him, and he hates himself for the smugness he experiences in that moment of power. 

**“I didn’t know this was supposed to be a competition.”**

It wasn’t. It shouldn’t be, but he needs to win. He needs to prove himself, even though that isn’t what this is about. He wanted to train before he realized the implications of it - that he needs Alec’s help. That he’s weaker than him now. Less than him. It isn’t a competition, it isn’t about winning or losing or who may or may not be objectively stronger - but it feels that way the moment he’s standing across from him in the middle of the open room. 

Magnus can clearly hold his own with the staff, even with Alec coming out on top. He can fight  with years of knowledge to pull from. Practice isn’t his issue, he realizes suddenly. They’ve been fighting for just a few minutes, he barely got any sleep the night before, and he’s already managed to pin Alec down to the ground. If he ever gets into a bar fight with a mundane he’ll be golden, but that’s never going to be his problem. All the training in the world isn’t going to help him when he’s up against another warlock, or a werewolf, or a vampire. Hell, he isn’t even sure he’d ever be able to take Alec if he activated even one of his runes. 

All the training in the world won’t make up for losing his magic. 

He can’t do this. But instead of shutting down and spiralling over the thoughts that suddenly consume him he decides to end this another way, because it isn’t a conversation he wants to have just then… and he knows exactly how to avoid it. 

He smiles, beckons, and gives Alec the sort of look he knows his boyfriend is weak to as he calls Alec cute, never once breaking that flirtatious eye contact or dropping his knowing smirk. He feels a little bad about it and almost doesn’t expect Alec to give in, because Magnys  _ knows _ how much this means to Alec. He knows how important it is to him but he ruins it anyway, because if he doesn’t he isn’t sure what he’ll do instead. 

**“I told you not to flirt with me.”**

Magnus pretends not to catch the hint of annoyance or the flash of disappointment behind the words before Alec’s hands are on him, followed closely by his lips. 

_ You did, _ Magnus agrees silently, thinking the apology he’ll never say out loud.  _ I’m sorry. _

~~~

Alec has high hopes for this training session the moment they step into it. He’s a little concerned when he has to  _ start _ the practice with a warning not to flirt, practically begging Magnus to keep things professional long enough for them to make it through the hour or so he has planned for them. 

**_“Those would’ve been your last words.”_ **

Alec takes his point, hitting the staff away from Magnus. Not bad, but there’s a lot of work left to do - if he can get Magnus to focus. He tries to reign him back in time and time again, because Magnus is right: he’s in ‘Shadowhunter Mode’ **.** But Magnus should be, too. He needs to take this more seriously than he is, because this isn’t a joke. 

Losing him to Iris the other day wasn’t a joke. 

Every time Magnus makes light of things Alec grows more annoyed, but he hides it under tighter grips and louder grunts. It shows in his expression, surely, but also the way he hits back with a little more aggression each time. This isn’t a game. He may not be some world-renowned martial artist but he has plenty he can help Magnus with, plenty to teach, if Magnus would only let him. 

Alec watches Magnus turn his movements into a dance, circling around him with a provoking gesture. He rolls his eyes, wondering if he’s doing this on purpose. Alec thought, after everything that happened and their talk about training together, that Magnus was going to treat this with a certain level of formality. He isn’t sure what changed since then, but this isn’t the same focused determination he saw in his boyfriend’s eyes when he admitted he needed to learn to fight without his magic **.**

Alec holds out as long as he can but he’s losing patience fast. Magnus gets the upper hand, flaunting his previous teachings, rubbing it in Alec’s face. Magnus already has better training than anything Alec could give him, there’s nothing he can learn from him, nothing Alec can do. Everything Magnus says now undermines Alec’s attempts to help. It hurts to hear and even though he knows it isn’t Magnus’ intent that doesn’t make it feel any less shitty. Alec lashes out with a quip of his own, tone dripping with sarcasm even as he struggles for breath against the chokehold. 

**_“I didn’t know this was supposed to be a competition.”_ ** __

Alec sees what Magnus is doing and wonders whether Magnus is even aware of it himself. The way he glides back onto his feet, circling him, goading him. That smug smirk is back on Magnus’ face now and he’s too at ease for the work they’re supposed to be doing, turning the tension into something more charged between them with a look and a couple of carefully chosen words. 

Alec knows he’s lost him now, for better or worse. Thinking back, he lost him the second he took the staff away. When things got serious for just a moment and that moment became too heavy. Too real. That was when the mood shifted. He didn’t catch it at first, and now it’s too late to do anything about it.   
  
Alec has a choice. He can give in to the change of direction Magnus is clearly driving at, or he can stand his ground and make a fuss over exactly  _ why _ Magnus is incapable of seeing this through. 

**_“I told you not to flirt with me.”_ **

They have enough going on right now that he doesn’t want to start a fight. Not when the alternative is this tempting, even now that he realizes the driving motivations behind it. Magnus doesn’t need to be beaten down today. First the trip to the market, then breakfast, and now this… he doesn’t want another loss. And for now, if it’s what will help Magnus the most, Alec is willing to let him have this win. 

**Author's Note:**

> (Find me on [Tumblr](http://bytheangell.tumblr.com) and also on [Twitter](http://www.twitter.com/By_The_Angell) while we all hang out waiting for someone to #SaveShadowhunters ! <3)


End file.
